Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Birthday Reflections

Is it just me, or does everybody get irrationally stressed out about their lives around their birthday?

I turned 29 on October 31st (yes, yes, I know... Halloween! Yay! Omigod, do you get candy and presents?! That must be the best. day. ever.) and I have to admit... It was tough knowing this is my last birthday in my twenties.

Don't get me wrong, I feel like I have so many amazing things in my life to be happy about and thankful for. I have an incredible husband, an awesome family, and great friends. I live in a great house in a wonderful neighborhood that I really like. I have two super energetic puppers who I know I couldn't live without. I have the privilege of cooking a yummy and (basically) healthy dinner every night. I can enjoy downtime in many ways, whether it's watching television, going to the movies, reading on my Kindle, writing, talking a walk, or going out. I have my health and energy to do things.

I can list the people in my life who I feel fortunate to have, the things I am lucky to own, and I can admit that when someone asks me what I "need", I have trouble coming up with a response. But now, at 29 years of age, I feel as if I fall short in other aspects... I don't have a full-time job, which makes me feel financially unstable and dependent, and I'm not a mom, which makes me feel behind and, frankly, a little bummed out.

I know, it's a big taboo thing... Women are supposed to feel "enough" just on their own. They don't need men or babies to be complete. They don't need to prove themselves in any way. They are enough on their own. And I agree. I am enough. I try to be a good human being. I try to be a person I would enjoy knowing. I try to forgive myself when I make mistakes. I try. I really do.

But there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a good wife and a good mother. It doesn't make me weak to admit that the moment I look forward to most in a day is when I get to see my husband and talk about our days. It doesn't make me an anti-feminist to express the desire to have babies and raise a family with the man I love. And honestly, I get annoyed when I'm criticized for being this way.

So I guess we'll see where I'm at when I reflect upon my life when I turn 30. Here's hoping I have a baby bouncing in my lap instead of a pupper!

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